I feel so lost. I feel very sad, depressed and worthless. I am 21 years old and I feel like I am wasting precious time that someone would make better use of. Also everytime I try to force myself to change the way I think and try to help myself, I get scared because I am scared of doing things in life that I feel other people find so easy. I'm scared of living, doing things on my own, talking to people, having a life, which I know sounds very strange.
I am very lucky and I appreciate how fortunate I am and how comfortable my life is, but sometimes I forget this. I'm a very shy person. I think I'm paranoid of people looking at me in the streets of the university, in pubilc places, etc. I've always been shy and I feel that no one wants to have me as a freind because of this shyness. I dont know how to overcome it. I've read many self help books but they do not work on me, no matter how hard I try.
I feel that at 21 that I should have certain qualities that I don't seem to have. I have low self confidence, low self esteem, few friends I think, and I am always angry it seems. I can't get over past problems and issues and, even though its in the past, I find myself drifing back to those moments and I get more angry.
I feel I have no one to talk to and, if I do, I would feel ashamed and guilty for not being more thankful for what I have and the great things in my life, even though I am.
I don't know how to help myself. I just want to be like other people. I seem to have gotten worse during my time at universiy while I feel others have flourished and grown and I am jealous of that. I feel so alone and that scares me
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